Is it beneficial to let a toddler win in games?

Question

We've started playing simple games with my 2-year-old son, but I noticed that he always wins. My wife has been manipulating the game to ensure his victory. Is it okay to let him win every time or should we focus on teaching him the value of playing for fun rather than winning? At what age does this become a concern?

Answer 1

Just anecdata: we did this with our daughter (now 4.5), mostly because playing games about math was fun for all. We thought it would make it more fun for her, and get her more involved, if she won. Now we're reaping the whirlwind; she pouts and refuses to play games when she loses. So now we're having to undo the damage we did, and teach her that playing is important, not winning.

When our son is older (he's just now pushing 2), I'll hopefully know if it WAS the 'let her always win' strategy that backfired on us, or if it's just because she is who she is. Then again, I may not ever know. But my gut tells me that letting her win all the time set an expectation that she's SUPPOSED to win, and that if she doesn't win something went wrong and we, as the parent, have to fix it.

Answer 2

This raises the deeper question of: to what extent to you fabricate a phony reality for small children and until what age?

If there isn't a need to protect the child from anything in the given situation, it's probably better to stick to reality.

That a game can be lost is not some "harsh dose of reality" that must be revealed gradually, because the child's "little mind" cannot deal with it "all at once".

Games in fact are the gentle way for revealing the reality that important things in life don't always work out.

If the game is rigged, part of the purpose of the game is lost.

Answer 3

I don't advocate just letting your child win. However, it is entirely appropriate to adjust your level of play according to the age and abilities of the child. When playing sports against my kids, I don't let them win, but I don't go all out against them like I would against other adults my age as that wouldn't really be fun for either of us.